euphoria ♥

-father. #60.

2012-03-01T09:24:00.000+08:00

Today marks the 55th anniversary of the birth of a very special person - my father.

I'm definitely a very proud girl to be called his daughter, his offspring, his little girl ;)

Hanging out at Zhuhai for dim sum during our trip to China last year ;)

I'm just too happy, that he's alive and well, and that he's an active part of my life.

Daddy, I love you. I may not be the best daughter any father could wish for, but you definitely are the best, God-chosen father that a daughter like me can ask for. And inheriting your characteristics and physical features, that really is a mark of my pride and love, and honour to be called your daughter.

Happy, blessed, wonderful 55th, my dearest father!

-laughter. #59

2012-03-01T09:20:00.000+08:00

Thank you for being a friend, a brother, a special person that God put in my life. You definitely spell blessings and lots of laughter, Anwar.

We had a nice dinner at Chilli's and then we went for some shopping towards the end of our outing at the pharmacy, where after paying, I didn't notice the metal door coming down and I focused on going out while looking at the receipt - and knocked myself on that slide. And got a nice bruise on my nose for that incident (doggamit). And on the way back, due to traffic jam, I was tuned in to a local radio station.. and the DJ that was on duty is a person I know personally and so I requested a song from him via text message (LIKE A BAWS!) and immediately after, he played it for me, so we were in the car, Anwar and I, in a stupid traffic jam at the parking lot, listening to Home, by Michael Buble.

Came home and went out again on a spontaneous trip with Adek, and we hung out till about 5am. Chatted till 6am, and now at 9am, I'm up and I've to prepare to head out for my tutorial in a while. I'm definitely sleepy, and I'll have a long day after this - so hello, Thursday!

-gratitude, #58

2012-02-29T15:44:00.002+08:00

Thank you, for making the past month or so a happy one. :)

-Inspirational Pictures; #57

2012-02-29T15:32:00.001+08:00

But I find it oh-so-true.

-#56. Happiness.

2012-02-29T15:27:00.001+08:00

It's been a few days - in fact, I'm 3 posts behind due to the stupid internet in UM forbidding me to write a little more.

The past few days have been quite a ride, I must say. Been out with friends, just storying each other about life (yes I know storying doesn't exist as a word but screw it, this is my blog.) - and really, just livin' la vida :) it's amazing how some friends that you think, walked away from you yonks ago now return and then the "friendship" never left - the chemistry's still there, the fun, the everything.

Heading out with Anwar later - and we're going on a dinner date.. after about a year of not doing that.
I miss this "brother" of mine. Yes, despite our races, we're still siblings from the "confused college family". He's been a huge blessing ever since I knew him. We're gonna really catch up tonight, I think :)

So. Updates being me being happy for the past 3-4 days since I last updated are done, now I've to head off for a little.. rendezvous with someone pretty important for a little tete-a-tete :)

a bientot!

-reliability. #55.

2012-02-25T16:17:00.001+08:00

55th day of the year. And sadly, once again today I come to realize that somehow the cold, hard truth is out there: You sometimes just can't rely on the people you love the most. And heck, if God didn't exist, I would be some self-reliant b*tch.

Thank God, He's really amazing enough to show Himself and prove Himself time and again though He doesn't need to; and He is such a wonderful Person to come in and fill my needs when I need it most.

God, I thank You, because without You, I'm nothing.

#54, I trust in You.

2012-02-24T22:19:00.002+08:00

Psalm 51^[a]

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
   according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
   blot out my transgressions.
² Wash away all my iniquity
   and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions,
   and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
   and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
   and justified when you judge.
⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
   sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
   you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
   wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
   let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
⁹ Hide your face from my sins
   and blot out all my iniquity.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
   or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
   so that sinners will turn back to you.
¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
   you who are God my Savior,
   and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord,
   and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
   you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is^[b] a broken spirit;
   a broken and contrite heart
   you, God, will not despise.

¹⁸ May it please you to prosper Zion,
   to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
   in burnt offerings offered whole;
   then bulls will be offered on your altar.

-life, #53.

2012-02-24T21:18:00.002+08:00

Somehow I feel like I'm on a downward spiral - and I felt as though I can't trust the people I once trusted anymore. Well, some. And then the people I never dared to trust came into my aid and they proved that they're different - and now I just don't know who to trust, or what to believe anymore.

I don't want to take on a "trust no one. love yourself, and nobody else" path to life here on - everyone who knows me know that I hate to adapt to a bitter attitude to life.

This season, I feel like I'm a toddler once again, falling down, getting back up just to fall again, and then getting back up again, and then fall again..

..Man, I wonder when will I be able to walk properly once more.
*sigh.

#52 - catch up.

2012-02-24T01:55:00.001+08:00

Hanging out with one of my favourite persons always never fails to make my day. Adek and I both went for McD's for supper - and then a short drive around Bangsar and the university for a bit. Despite our differences, we manage to reconcile time and again as we grow in acceptance to one another's idiosyncrasies - and she's always been around for the past 3 years though we both have very different schedules and lives.

Thank you, my dearest - you're one of the gems God placed in my life in this season. :)

-be stable. #51

2012-02-22T20:33:00.001+08:00

Listen to this : It's a good sermon to help me out - where I have to BE stable.

Thank You, God :)

-bruise.#50

2012-02-22T19:40:00.002+08:00

I am 2 posts behind.
But it's okay, I'll catch up - I hope.

Life's been really busy, really, really, busy lately. In the midst of it all I could still schedule time to meet this very special someone who has become a special someone in my life - not in the BGR sense- but in a friendship, amicable sense.

However, God only knows that during this period, I need to be able to stand strong alone. It's so tempting to just let yourself be weak and let someone else carry the burden meant for you alone. It's so tempting to just rest on someone else and then you hide from the world and its ugliness. So tempting to just walk away from everything that once meant something, and now is gone, in ashes.

I'm bruised - all over. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.

But I believe, just like every other bruise that heals, this too, shall as well.
Regardless of whoever saying that they're going to be with me 'till the world ends, words mean nothing 'till one proves it.

And I thank God for this bruise - I start to see what really matters.

Well - off for a short break and shower, and back to the university!

-#46-#49: recount.

2012-02-19T00:19:00.003+08:00

Because I'm going to write down a recounting post, I just decided to put in 4 posts in one - that's so I'd keep myself on track.

Been nothing but absolutely busy for this week, but despite my busyness and all, I'm so covered by Him who loves me. And that also includes His blessings and many, many blessings in disguise.

Recounting the week:

Monday: Semester begun but it was really laid back since I didn't know what subjects to take in the first place, but after my 4pm class I went out with a certain someone, and had a wonderful evening with that person. Of course, the element of crushing on him is definitely there, but we both know better. The night ended amicably :)

Tuesday: VDAY. With nobody to celebrate with, busy, but restful at the same time since I went home.

Wednesday-Friday: classes, classes, and more classes. As usual :(

Today and tomorrow will be days spent at church.
And next week, a very hectic week.

I hope.. I find rest in this busy season. *shrug*

Gnite, people.

-tears.#45

2012-02-18T01:14:00.001+08:00

I'm writing on my laptop this time so I will just let loose and type as long as I want because I CAN.

These few weeks of braving life out just made me tired of everything - people included. Some people are just bent on kicking you after you fall. Or breaking your heart while at it.

Today, a lecturer who happened to be a counsellor who's close to me said this:
"I hear a lot of pain."

Hearing that just made me wanna cry out a flood.

*sigh*
Remembering all the pain I felt... hurts.
Got to do some work now. Write more later.

#44-overdue

2012-02-14T23:44:00.001+08:00

I owe y'all a post - I'm supposed to be at #45 but due to some time-filling activities, I am stuck ere. Will write more soon. Lol.

it's going to be a real difficult semester ahead, and I'm thinking that this final semester will sortakinda drive me up the wall pronto. But like every other semesters, I know He will anchor me through. Then there's an extra testimony to laud aand boast in Him about.

God, I'm looking forward to telling people of Your greatness. Please, make that happen.

-weakness.#43

2012-02-12T20:43:00.001+08:00

This has just got to be the weakest season of my life thus far.

I don't know what to expect from myself nor from this new semester. Self-doubt keeps creeping in every moment.

Despite of my choices, God; have mercy on me. That's really all I'm asking for and from You. I don't know how to deal with this at all- and I'm so weak, so lost, so tired.

Can I stop living now?

-mess. #42

2012-02-11T01:19:00.002+08:00

GOD.

I'm going to claim every word You said.

Isaiah 40:29-31

New International Version (NIV)

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
   and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
   and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
   they will run and not grow weary,
   they will walk and not be faint.

Psalms 119:9-16

⁹ How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
   By living according to your word.
¹⁰ I seek you with all my heart;
   do not let me stray from your commands.
¹¹ I have hidden your word in my heart
   that I might not sin against you.
¹² Praise be to you, LORD;
   teach me your decrees.
¹³ With my lips I recount
   all the laws that come from your mouth.
¹⁴ I rejoice in following your statutes
   as one rejoices in great riches.
¹⁵ I meditate on your precepts
   and consider your ways.
¹⁶ I delight in your decrees;
   I will not neglect your word.

Psalm 91

New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 91

¹ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
   will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.^[a]
² I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
   my God, in whom I trust.” ³ Surely he will save you
   from the fowler’s snare
   and from the deadly pestilence.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
   and under his wings you will find refuge;
   his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
   nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
   nor the plague that destroys at midday.
⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
   ten thousand at your right hand,
   but it will not come near you.
⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
   and see the punishment of the wicked.
⁹ If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”
   and you make the Most High your dwelling,
¹⁰ no harm will overtake you,
   no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
   to guard you in all your ways;
¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
   so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
   you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
¹⁴ “Because he^[b] loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
   I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
   I will be with him in trouble,
   I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
   and show him my salvation.”

Lord, come on. Let's show 'em what we've got!

-God's ideas, #41

2012-02-10T23:55:00.000+08:00

There're just so many times I feel like walking away but there's just something right there that stops me the moment I want to do it.

I wanna walk away from so many people, simply because THEY walked away FIRST.
Chose to commit, then failed to commit.
Chose to stay on the course, then they get off course.
Chose to believe, then come up with 1001 excuses for disbelief.

BLOODY... I'm going to NOT say those words and throw them in my mental bin to NOT be recycled forever.

I'm a person of my words -and if you promise me something, choose to do something, and tell me you want to do it no matter what, then PLEASE, fulfil those words you tell me.
Don't do it halfway, and then because of some stuff that comes up, you stop. You quit.

So much drama at home.
So much drama where I am.

I wanna stop breathing, ahora mismo.

-#40. Disappointment.

2012-02-09T22:54:00.001+08:00

This month itself is a whole huge month of people disappointing me, again and again.

Some things, and perhaps, some people in my life, should be kept in a box labelled: "untouchables".
That'd teach me a huge lesson on who to get close to and who not to- just so I won't get hurt again.

Maybe I should just forget this whole damned thing.
Meh then again, who cares if I do or don't?

-#39. Heart.

2012-02-08T22:53:00.001+08:00

Just today I felt that everything that happened lately is causing me to lose heart; and in less than a week, I'm starting my uni again. And I am God-thankful results are out, I still am able to maintain my CGPA - all thanks to Him; all glory back to God!

Having people who run the race with you all the time certainly makes a huge difference. They believe in you. They laugh with you. They cry with you. They pray for you. They reminisce with you. Nothing beats having that kind of relationship around you- it just motivates you to get up, and really, not lose heart.

I'm thankful today for such people in my life. Thankful that I'm accepted, loved, forgiven, and taken care of.

God, thank You for You. :)

-#38: strength.

2012-02-07T23:37:00.001+08:00

I need more of this, I reckon. I've been strong for a while, and allowing myself to weaken just caused me to make crazy mistakes, I never thought I'd make. And making them taught me lessons- in life, love, and friendships. What I didn't realize was that making these mistakes could be so costly- to a point where you just don't wanna ever get back up.

However in my case, I know that I've to fight on. To move on. To grow out of this. To overcome- and with recent happenings, it seems so impossible to even want to get up, 'cos people just don't trust you anymore.

Thank God for people who still do trust and love me. Thank God for God- so merciful; without Him, and His abounding mercies, I would have just chosen the wide and easy path- to lose myself, and die losing. Literally.

This season, I start to re-evaluate a lot of things, and I realize..

At the end of it all, change or no change at all- He never does.
This is what keeps my faith alive at this moment, and God- I know, I owe this to You and You alone.

-#37. Update.

2012-02-06T23:40:00.001+08:00

Hanging out with S and his cousin G was extremely good today- their sabahan antics are just the funniest ever! :)

And finding out that he actually talks about me and positively, that's really, really nice to know.

Thanks S, you made my day :).

edit:
post #222!! Yet another milestone for this blog! :)

-normal typing, #36.

2012-02-06T03:17:00.000+08:00

I owe the world a 36th post.

SO I watched Israel Houghton on Lakewood Church service (which I can watch online THANK GOD!) and he was handling the singspiration and then the sharing - such an anointed guy; and towards the end he sang a new song, coming out in his new album this August (can't wait!) with a rapper in it. Man, God really is CREATIVE. His musicality is just TOO amazing, it makes me admire God for his talents - and I want that, I want THAT!

So.. a little taste of Houghton for you guys out there who DON'T know him before I go to bed.

IF you don't like fusion/funk kinda music, well.. this may not be your cup of tea. But really, give him a try...

..you might just LOVE him! :D

-#35; date.

2012-02-05T23:47:00.001+08:00

I had a great week this week just resting and hanging out with my family. Tomorrow is another date day, this time with friend mentioned in previous post. Let's hope all will be well.

After this, I will begin my semester again- so lets see what God has in mind for me. This has been, by far, one of the most challenging beginning of the year, I feel.

2012, please, be good.

-thoughts;#34

2012-02-05T00:52:00.001+08:00

Went to church today and enjoyed myself on the keyboards and monitoring part of the music progression- Joash on the drums and I enjoy him so much because he's so young and childlike and so CUTE, looking at him makes me want my innocence and childlikeness back, though that is a pretty impossible statement to make. Messing around with Keith when he plays the guitar is fun too cos he's also very easygoing and to a certain extent, a funny kinda silly character in him. Goofing off like that musically is really pleasure, and breathing in His presence never fails to remind me He's real, and always will be. :)

Then I went with Kakak Awesome to plan B in Bangsar, and I saw a friend's lookalike in a waiter when he came to serve us- so uncanny I was pretty taken aback! And I texted him, and upon reaching home found out he sent me a message via Line the same day earlier when I was at church. Cuteness. Oh, I'm still reeling over the similarity! Hahaha.

Now I'm home just resting, waiting for my hair to dry. Looking forward to yet a new day.. And more new beginnings, I hope.

Goodnight, world. :)

-#33 since when did ...?

2012-02-04T00:20:00.001+08:00

..oh well, to even start ranting on that would be so uncalled for.
Was browsing around for unis to enrol in the US for my masters, fall next year, most likely.

Yet, the Lord only disposes the idea, when man proposes it.

So life lately'd been pretty boring, sleep, wake, eat, work out a little, sleep summore, eat summore, go online, talk on the phone, hang out for a little shopping sometimes, sleep. That's why I don't really have anything to rant about lately. And trust me, if I do, some bullets are gonna fly about and so for the good of mankind, I decide to shut up.

And the ex and I had a talk. The decision to remain friends became the conclusion, and I'm at peace with it simply because I think it's high time to be able to live, especially after my 19/1/12 chaos- nothing else is bigger in comparison at the moment. I forgive and move on- and to have certain answers to my questions made me satisfied enough, yet smarter this time to not get hurt again; therefore I'm not getting any closer to him after yesterday's talk. What needs to breathe, needs to breathe.

Can't deny that our reminiscing of our high school days were quite sweet- his own memories and mine, none crossing each others' paths. His occasional but long rant about how he loves his one ex just reminds me of when I was that way as well- I guess retributionis indeed, a bitch. Pains me to see him hurt, but I'm not gonna be his savior anymore. Some lessons are worth learning when you hit that wall over and over again, I suppose.

This season, I'm just going to chill- more than I did years ago- simply because recuperation takes time, and building that trust takes time as well. Breathing again does, too.

God, I'm believing in You now- all that I am and all there is to everything I have.

-#32. Steady My Heart

2012-02-02T01:14:00.000+08:00

Current song of my season.

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart (x2)

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart (x2)

You steady my heart :)

-#31. Story :)

2012-02-01T00:21:00.001+08:00

a profound story :)

Renewed my license today, took about an hour or so- because my brother's friends has contacts- otherwise it will take longer. And I'm officially a permanent driver - who can't drive at the moment. Blergh.

Life on the other hand is treating me pretty well despite a foiled escapade, had a great family steamboat earlier. Didn't manage to taste the tomyam soup but it's all good- I had a filling healthy meal! :) I'm wondering- February's here..and in 18 days, I'm going to miss someone all the more, and I wish our rift had never happened in the first place.

Here's to wishing reconciliation and a miracle to happen.

-#30.

2012-01-31T03:08:00.001+08:00

Never expect, I've learnt.
'cos expecting sometimes, leaves you in a huge pool of disappointment.
Random note- renewing my driving license tomorrow, yay!

-How He loves :) #29

2012-01-29T22:32:00.001+08:00

Simply because I don't have time to maintain my regrets when I think about the way He loves me.

And amazingly, He still does even after many times I fail.
Oh, how You Love.

-#28, sound.

2012-01-28T15:56:00.001+08:00

There, I made it easier.
Lol, my rough rendition of a song I really love- but am gonna do something else pretty soon so keep watching this space!

:)

-justice.#27

2012-01-27T23:54:00.002+08:00

I talked to one of those guys I dated sometime back - and we talked about some serious matters; and at the end of the day, I really appreciate what he feels about the whole thing - and how he wants justice upheld.

Too bad there're too many things at stake.
But this just means that I'm gonna hang on to what God has to say when He says:
"it is mine to avenge, I will repay". :)

-#26, a day late.

2012-01-27T17:30:00.000+08:00

So I'm a day late for this post - and will write #27 a little later; but I'm just goinna start off by saying that I'm a little under the weather (that is, having my woman moment, if you know what I'm sayin') hence causing the absence of my penning-down-the-thoughts last night.

So today I had a little shopping moment with mom, Derek, my sis in law and a little later, my eldest brother joined in at MidValley, and I am a proud owner of a Dior Addict lipstick (finalmente, yay!). Headache then followed because of (perhaps) too much walking and lack of hydration, so I'm not exactly in the right mood to write more, and I don't really know what to write either.

This should suffice for #26 for now - I'm going to crack the head a little for #27 once I'm up from my nap.

Toodles!

-a little touch, #25.

2012-01-25T00:50:00.000+08:00

Post #25 is actually a little reflection on post #23 and #24 - both in close relation with the season I'm in currently.

Today I was just going through - wait; I think I should put it as "yesterday" since "today" is past 12am already - so yesterday, I was just going through the motions for the day - when woman (again) wrote on my page for #24 - and then at the same time, I had brotherbear talking to me, and then there's Lin Seay, and lastly, Lisa.

The past few days'd been trying, and yesterday (italics because I keep referring to it as "today") was a day of acceptance, and reminder that I have been forgiven and accepted already, therefore the only person depriving me of the gift of forgiveness is me, myself and I.

Then towards the end of the night, Dom approached me asking me about details for my birthday party - one which I don't have any idea about, and don't know what to do for. And he volunteers on planning this day for me when, to be honest, at the moment, I don't feel like thinking about. But with him being excited about it, it made me want to look forward to something on that day. Told him I don't know, and he's going to discuss the deets with people whom he's going to involve in the organizing - and when he approaches you, you'd know. Teehee!

This made me look forward to living.

It may seem like I've lost something, but you know, in this, I felt I've gained - understanding, acceptance, and love. More wisdom, I hope; but that's a journey. Understanding of who God is and what His truth means, acceptance of people regardless of my condition, which taught me what love really is.

And nothing beats having brotherbear tell you "I'm proud of you for not being like a baby Christian and wallowing in self-pity over this". Having him said that, him being that Godly man he is, makes me want to look up and hear Him say:

"well done, my good and faithful servant. Come share your Master's inheritance".

'till then, I'm going to soldier on.
Thanks, all of you - for being there. This season, I know I need God more than ever, and you are all reminders of His Omnipotence, Omniscience and Omnipresence, by being there for me :)

Private & Confidential ;) #24

2012-01-24T17:52:00.000+08:00

We both know it's been a really rough week for us ~~no,you~~ ~~no,us~~ ~~no,you~~ aiyasamethinglah and it's always painful to see you go through such unfortunate situations because you simply just don't deserve it. Although I can't deny that I am somewhat comforted by the fact that ( I know ) you are in a strong enough place in life to get through it.

I can't imagine having to deal with this a couple of years ago. Yes, even though you've always been the more matured and responsible half of our soulmateship, I still feel like I have witnessed your journey from an insecure teenager ( out the window! ) to the beautiful, confident young adult you now are.

You amaze me woman. Your willingness to deal with people and their issues despite how much you hate drama. Your strength in helping us through our nonsense when you have things going on in your own life. I don't know how it's possible that you're the sternest person I know and yet the least selfish at the same time. But you make it work.

See, that's the thing. You always manage to do the impossible. You set ~~high~~ really high standards for yourself, and then you exceed them, in every aspect of your life.

I'm glad that I can be here for you for a change, now that you're going through something you have no experience in dealing with ( finally my knowledge can be of some use. nolongeruseless.com YAY! ). And I know you know that I'm not going anywhere. Except to penang with you, but that's a totally different story.

Yes, leave it to me to try and get a few laughs out of you right smack in the middle of a heartfelt moment. Teehee.

I love you woman. And as long as I feel that way ( forfreakingever! ), you won't be alone in all of this. Everything in life happens for a reason. We'll take this post-crap and turn it into something positive. We've survived all kinds of other disasters before, there's no way anything's going to stop us now.

Love, hugs and paddington pancakes,

Mango.

-#23, I will survive.

2012-01-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

No, it's not some delusional woman-power post. And again, just to save the woman the tiring duty of having to post dutifully on this blog, I'm logging in with my dad's slow netbook and the somewhat-useful-for-now modem (see how much I take simple things for granted? I'm God-thankful for my Streamyx in KL now!) - I'm in Johor right now, hence it's pretty internet-less since I'm living in a secluded resort, and my relatives live in a little town-village-ish place, therefore internet isn't exactly a common necessity, unlike in KL.

I'm writing this post by post-cheating (a joke only woman and I understand because we are making a fool out of some fool that I've met), because she's too busy to write post #23. It's 1.32 a.m on the 24th day now - might just hack in later for post #24, don't know yet. But you'll know who's blogging based on the blogging style of the author - woman is a woman of few words when she doesn't know what to write, and when she does know what to write, you'd just know because.. -well, you'd know.

I on the other hand, you'd be pretty used to my writing style already by now. I just write, simply because this is my niche and where I release my thoughts and inner emotions - things I don't normally tell people, or I don't get to tell people because what I dream of, what I wish, what I think of - well, most people (to a certain extent) won't get it - simply because I just want too many things. Lol.

Today, I'm going to speak on surviving.
Some people know what's going on in my life that needs me to make use of my survival skills- because I'm really that close to wanting to die. My heart aches to that extent of myself wishing that I've never lived in the first place. And someone I really looked up to warned me many times of this thing that will cost me - I didn't listen and got myself to it - people've seen it coming, I just blindly trusted. If you know about what happened and you asked me "what the heck were you thinking, Daphne?!"

I'd honestly answer you: I don't know.
Because, at the risk of sounding irresponsible and stupid, I really don't.
Maybe it's just impulsiveness, or just the taste of (for a lack of a better word) desiring freedom and adrenaline, .. I don't know.
AND what has happened, happened - and I have no space to regret at all.

So I told that person that I'm the one who brought it to myself to which she agreed to - and told me she has to put down the phone so she wouldn't have to scold me and make me cry, and that I shouldn't say what I cannot fulfill, and if I cannot fulfill what I said I disappoint people and because of that, she cannot trust my words anymore, and so everybody else can't as well- and what she doesn't know was that the moment she put down the phone, I cried, bitterly. I sobbed, and wept, and wept till I could weep no more - simply because, I really felt that if those words were meant to kill, they killed my spirit already then.

I'm not saying that I'm justified, etc - or this person saying stuff is in the wrong - definitely not; this person has all the reasons in the world to be angry/disappointed/______(fill in the blank) at me, but what I really meant was that I already knew all the consequences, the danger and all - and I went ahead like a blind mule, and got myself into trouble, and that made me want to kill me for that stupidity.

And to disappoint this person I look up to most, yeah, that's what killed me.

The past few days'd been horrid, I had moodswings but could barely share with anyone about the reasons behind the moodswings, and I had to silently bite myself to avoid me from saying anything to my mother when she reprimands me for being moody; since it's the lunar new year anyway; and just hiding in His shelter, running to Him every now and then, listening to Marcos Witt- my best friend at the moment when I need some spirit-lifting; and then there's always woman and my kakak to talk to and cry on. I owe it to these 2 women in my life who understand me and love me still regardless of how I am and who I've become. With them around, this season becomes slightly easier to cross.

However, I cannot cross nor live this season through without God- He alone is my shelter, my refuge, my fortress, my help in times of need, my Portion and my Deliverer- just hanging on to Him for dear life makes me able to stand- really, I know that I know that no matter how difficult this season will be, I will not just cross it, I will overcome simply because I can and I will - because He will be my Anchor :)

Therefore this lengthy post - a little somewhat (long) expression of me telling myself in this silent space of mine that I'll survive. :)

If you do read this and you do care, do pray for me, please.

Much love,
yours truly :)

-playing... #22

2012-01-22T13:36:00.000+08:00

......catch up.

Been busy with CNY preparations. And spent all of last night out by the beach, so no real update. Will post one at the end of today, after collecting all my red packets ;)

Taa!

-day #21.

2012-01-21T02:30:00.001+08:00

21 days since the new year, and 2 days ago was just filled with heartache when it was supposed to be my happiest moment of the month.

Not going to bother writing much, but here's to informing you that my guestblogger will log in for a few days at least, since I won't be in town for these few days for the Chinese New Year celebrations. Not going to have Internet so I won't bother much, really.

Lastly, I've decided to stop mourning and move on- whatever's happened, happened. I'm just believing in the good that will come out of this especially in terms of forgiveness- myself especially, and then my offender.
Though I know my woman won't be as forgiving, this is a decision I have to take to avoid further pain to my being. I believe in the good that will come out of this simply because of my good God, and Him alone. :)

happy holidays,y'all!

-guess who? #20

2012-01-20T23:30:00.000+08:00

Your usual blogger's not in the right state of mind to be updating her blog. So, here I am. AGAIN.

Only doing this because she made a pact to try and update her blog on a daily basis.

Don't know how this counts seeing as how it's me blogging and not her. But not questioning anything at the moment because it's one of those "I should just shut up and be there for her and do whatever she needs me to do" moments. Haha. Yeah.

Also, once again, she informed me right at the end of the day. I generally don't enjoy writing to datelines. Massive writers block. Had to get this squeezed in before 12 so that left me with about an hour. Obviously I failed. And then cheated by changing the time-stamp on this post coz I was busy fiddling around with my sketch markers and got carried away.

Photographic proof!

Actual time now : Way past midnight.

That's all for today. Yes, i'm always a load of crap. Get used to it coz I will be hanging around here for at least a couple more days.

Gah! I don't even update my own blog that often.

(Yay! Free advertising space!)

-last day,2nd chance #19

2012-01-19T23:56:00.001+08:00

Ive gained freedom today, and lost something equally special. I think this short post suffice to say I'm currently mourning for my loss. God, Your grace covers, Your love never ends.

-hijacked! #18

2012-01-18T00:30:00.000+08:00

AGAIN!

Because I am not the kind of person who would just sit by (after being subjected to writing an entire post in the middle of the night only to have it freaking erased) and wait for another request to guestblog.

I will log into woman's blogger and continue to ramble on and on and on as often as I want to. And no one can do anything about it! MUAHAHAHARHAR! Also, it's the 18th post and we all (mostly just me) know that 18 is like my favourite number!

Woman is still in the middle of exams, Foreverbusy.com but will be done by tomorrow and then hopefully our plans to head to Penang will magically fall into place.

TOO MUCH CATCHING UP TO DO!

We've fallen far behind in our D&A random photo moments as well. Therefore, I'm expecting at least 3 whole albums out of the trip. Okay, maybe that's a little bit too much. Will settle for only 2 :)

Adios muchachos!

-angry!#17

2012-01-17T19:11:00.001+08:00

SOMEONE hijacked my blog and removed my post!

woman wrote a post for me as my guest writer and when I got back from my exams it's gone :(. Hmph!
anyways, today's paper was fairly easier than I expected- it was okay and I managed to finish it before the 2hours; in fact, I did it within the first hour or so. God is really, really good!

and yes, I am indeed very tired, and there are 2 papers left for me and I feel so tired already studying for my finals- I am in the holiday mood already! And I can't wait to head to Penang for my long-awaited vacation with the DylanMango, after 3 years of knowing her. She gon' be my tour guide, food guide, every kind of possible guide. Lol.

19th, please come already. Ugh.

*edited*

I've procrastinated for HOURS and I'm left with about 13 hours (-8hours or so for sleep = 5 hours) to study up my Discourse for tomorrow.

Come on, Daphne... ONE MORE PAPER, ONE MORE TIME!

-hijacked! #16

2012-01-17T05:18:00.001+08:00

-footprints, #15.

2012-01-16T00:55:00.000+08:00

I KNOW, I KNOW.
It's the 16th and I'm a day late.
Let me tell you why: today (or more like yesterday) was a day of (again) revising, but mostly; drinking in God's word through sermon podcasts :) At 4am, when I was just done studying, I listened to Pastor Joseph Prince, and then later in the evening, I heard some Marcos Witt sermons in Spanish (and one in English) - just drinking in the Word of God - and heck, it did me a HUGE difference! Just spending time doing nothing - well, a little studying here and there - but mostly spending it with God Most High - that's a joy I haven't experienced in a while.

To be honest, life got to me - the external factors, the problems, the people (mostly the people, really), and I feel like escaping, like running away. All these doing aggravates me - the previous me would LOVE doing; the now me likes to rest. Not because I'm lazy, but simply because my life is taken care of and I know it :)

but Daphne, it's sinful to not do ANYTHING, you know? God helps those who help themselves!

No - God promised He will never leave nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5), and He is my help in times of need (Psalms 46:1), and my future is well taken care of (Jeremiah 29:11-12). All I need to do is enter into His rest :) (Matt 6:33-34).

It's biblical, you know.

So yeah, but the encounter with God - just really, really listening to what these anointed men of God have to say and what it tallies with the written word of God is just astounding. I am SO filled right now, I'm well-charged, and I'm refreshed- though I had quite a tiring day! This IS the Mighty God I serve! :D

And for those who're going through the most emotional moments now, you'd know that I am referring to someone specifically (that is, that someone will know) - this poem is specially dedicated for you. :)

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

-#200; #14.

2012-01-14T22:51:00.001+08:00

Before I continue typing.. here's to post #200 on this page!!! :D Yay, another milestone!!

I've had a long, tiring day.
Woke up at 8ish- slept about 3 the night (or day? 3am,.. hmm.) before and got jolted up by a text message. Darn vibration from the phone - and went to MV with Mom and Derek for a little shopping; they needed to inquire about mom's GPS device which isn't detecting anything, so I went on my own spree.

And spree, it was.
I didn't go mad shopping, but I had to buy somethings; somethings being my garments (the inner kind, y'know what I mean?) that costed me RM300 -_- freaking expensive. For 2 pieces. And now I'm broke. No more shopping for me =(

No, I wasn't being uppity, not in any sense; I was just browsing around and here comes a saleswoman promoting 305975827402983 things at me and ranting away and I wasn't too interested but when she shoved me those things to try on, I couldn't not buy it. I don't know - I gave into pressure. Lol. Silly; next time I shall remind myself to flee from salesladies. -_-

Anyway that being said, I got home just to go out for lunch again - and then the moment I got back I tried to take a 20-minute to 30-minute nap.. which wasn't really successful because Mom had to wake me up to get prepared for Dad's company dinner before I could really sleep.

Went for the dinner and got back early - so I can study.
Haven't studied at all today so I'm gonna try to study instead of procrastinate.
I've been procrastinating since Tuesday- not good. Sign of me being all burnt out.

Oh sem 5, how I love and hate you at the same time.

-sometimes it lasts in love.,#13

2012-01-13T23:36:00.001+08:00

...but sometimes it hurts instead.
Preparing for next week's series of paper, so I'm not updating much.

Gonna focus, and come up with post #14 in a lengthier manner, if I'm still awake.
Till then, adieu!

-laze, #`12

2012-01-12T22:04:00.000+08:00

I've been lazing for the 3rd day consecutively- gotta start studying by hook or by crook pronto. Yes, student self-monologue.

That being said, I have all the glory and praise given to again- my God - for the recent final project results- 19/20 for one, and full 20 for another :)

Really, God - thank You for loving an unworthy, undeserving me :)

p/s: anybody who loves pre-loved items, check my friend out here - she's got some real good stuff right there for y'all girls out there (;

-lapse. #11

2012-01-11T23:56:00.000+08:00

I had a pretty fruitful, though lazy (speaking of oxymoron.) day.

I slept at 6.30a.m as I was on the phone with a certain someone from a not-so-distant past; no, not that special person I always talk about here; but another person I used to go out with. It's interesting, talking on the phone with him after a long time of not doing so- we haven't met for about 10 months or so already by now. We talked about possibilities of being in a relationship together - we have a 9-year gap- and due to a lot of restrictions (on my side mostly), I said no. :)

Well, it wasn't anything though - he just thought that I'm a -and I quote him on this- "nice girl, and I click with you so why not?" hence it isn't anything in a way to say no to him, I guess..

Anyway.
The day progressed with me waking at 12pm, and then hung out with mum- got my 1Malaysia Book Voucher, went to MV where I bought 3 new books and used a voucher from the 4 I received. Got home about 9, and lazed about till now, so yes, I didn't study yesterday and today. Exams - well they're still ongoing, from the 16th-19th and all I can hope for is the best in God. The final 4 papers are as important as the first 3 I did earlier this week, and all I can really do is just pray hope that His grace will truly help me overcome whatever it is when it comes.

Today was a good day- though empty, in a way, but I'm glad I found rest even in the hustle and bustle of livin' right here in the heart of the city.

I'm glad I have my God to lean on :)

-I simply live, #10

2012-01-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

10th post of the year - I can't believe in a blink of an eye, 10 days has passed since the new year came.

I did 2 papers today for my exams, and I suffered lack of sleep because of it, and also a sprained left shoulder/area around the spine- don't know how to explain- and there's only one phrase to describe it: pain in the butt. I can't move like a normal person - each movement irritates me, hurts me and gets me ALL cranky! And to add salt onto the wound, I have to study, i.e., maintain a certain posture for hours on end - well, I made sure every 30 minutes to an hour I'd move about but MOVING ITSELF IS A CHORE HENCE I DON'T DARE TO MOVE BUT IF I DON'T IT HURTS TOO!

See how painful it is; that I have to RANT on my BLOG?!

Okay, hype overload.

Anyways, 2 papers done, I have no feelings about it. Slight fear of not being able to get the distinction I want- I'm very greedy. I don't just want to pass.. I want to excel. Yes I do - but this, really, this - my whole academic life, my scores and all; I can only give glory to none other but Him alone. He makes it all possible for me and my God is big, my God is great, and my God has proven Himself to come through for me again - He proved Himself REAL to me each and every time I need Him to; or when He knows I need some God-moment in my life. God, I really can't describe just how I feel when it comes to You - You're amazing. :)

2 more minutes to the 11th day, so I better end this quick.

Hasta mañana!

-declaration, #9

2012-01-09T09:25:00.002+08:00

Last night was crazy, being unable to sleep till about 3am, I think - and I finally doze off at God knows what time- but I woke up at 6 automatically. Studied and danced around (when I take my break, of course), and now I'm going to register for my final semester- and afterwards I'll prepare to head to uni for my Russian paper. It will be quite a hectic day today and tomorrow for me- what with exams and all.

Was registering for subjects and it's such a headache.

Exams are in 2 hours' time, and I'm going to declare victory on this one - the series of papers from 9th-19th.

Psalms 91, be real to me!

-I'm into you #8

2012-01-08T18:40:00.000+08:00

I am just so addicted to this song by Jennifer Lopez featuring 'lil Wayne. I never loved this song when it came out, but this morning until now, I've been putting the song on loop - God knows why.

Tomorrow till the 19th, I'll be very busy preparing for my exams; and those couple of weeks are exam weeks as well, so I might be slow in posting. But anyway, before I go back to my books, here's the song from J.Lo for y'all today!

Have a great week ahead, everybody!

-awesome weekend #7

2012-01-07T22:28:00.002+08:00

7th day of the first month of the year 2012, and I feel so absolutely blessed!

Just got back from hanging out with 2 friends who're siblings - we went to a place near my house for some food and Ben and I had Paulaner after drinking our other non-alcoholic drink, and it was so full of joy. Everything was just mouthgasmic -from the food to the drinks... and it's of a good price too!

Okay, now I'm gonna have to focus on my studies and not think so much about the euphoric effects of having a good time after service at church.

Me, with my very awesome Paulaner. :D

Yes, after finishing a whole pint, I'm feeling a teeny bit woozy.

But it's a good kind of woozy, and I'm definitely happy, trying my first Paulaner.

Not really a beer kinda person, but I'm happy to try this one - definitely worth your while because it's such a smooth beer to take in. Of course, if you're not into empty calories, don't take it.

I am just not bothered anymore about being fat or thin - as long as I keep my workout routines and do my part in eating healthy, it's pretty fine to indulge once in a while.

Back to books, really.

Wish me the best for my upcoming exam on Monday! :(

-elle.oh.vee.ee.#6.5

2012-01-06T16:52:00.001+08:00

..taken from 1 Corinthians 13, the infamous quote on Love:

"¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love"

:)- emphasis mine.

A special person in my life, who, because of situations, I've "unfriended" (this term does not exist in the English language, mind you; but because of the Facebook phenomenon, this word is currently coined so mind me for the misuse of the language) from my Facebook account - made me think of this topic, and very deeply, too (now since when do I ever NOT think of something deeply?).

Everytime I hit a road bump (when it has to do with him, that is), I began to think if love was really the word I'd use to define how I feel. Maybe, what I gave was just simply an explosion of hormones and feelings jumbled up in one -maybe, it's just unreasonable thoughts not wanting to let go, and maybe, could it be; grudges?

But then again, as I meditated upon the Scriptures and I realized.. I really loved.
In the course of 4 years, I poured out almost all of me.. and I'll do it again if I have to :)

So you,
Thank you for teaching me how to love. =)

and God- thank You for teaching me what Love is.
I know You'd do it again if You have to. :)

-all the right moves. #6.

2012-01-06T01:51:00.000+08:00

How do you really, really know you've made all the right moves while you live?

-thoughts, #4&5

2012-01-05T16:07:00.000+08:00

So on the 4th, I didn't update because I was studying and was too lazy to take my laptop out so I could type (yes, I hate typing on my iPad!) so i'm going to merge two posts together; because it's thoughts on 2 different things.

1st thought: relationships.

I've been in only one official relationship- two,actually but that ended without any official stuff done by a couple, and very abruptly as well so therefore, one- and one in which I was madly in love with the other half. The love lasted for 4 years without the relationship, and there's a huge part of me still very much loving him- he's one person who taught me what love really was, simply because I gave a huge part of me in the relationship and even after; and it's just difficult to let it go because loving him was pretty much an integral part in my life. Loving him was painful, but filled with bliss; because I know to many others it might have gone to "waste", but I know the love poured out would be poured back in someday - I'm just doing to another person what I would want done to me. I'm waiting patiently.. for that right person to step right into my life right now, after many years of waiting... for - I don't know. My heart feels really tired at this moment to even let it ponder another moment.

Too many questions but I’m sure to find the
answers on the way
And find the meaning and the reason why
I breathe to see the day
Over a thousand miles I’ve walked and I won’t stop until
I stand before you
I desire to reach you

2nd thought: self.

This year, I started it off well.. and then I went out with someone. We had a talk about our previous encounter- and he asked me if he led me on; I really don't know if I was being nice, or I was in denial; if anything were to happen, I said no. But everybody knows that in anything; it takes two.

I find myself really hard on me, but if I'm not hard on me I would have let loose all reins upon every conviction I have and it's just impossible to let myself go like that - I don't think it's to keep me "perfect", I know very clearly above anybody else that I am very "flawed".

2012, please be real good to me - God, I surrender my '12 to Your hands - 'cos only You can make everything, every change my heart desires, every little flaw.. Romans 8:28 can only happen because of You.

xo.

-iPad,#3

2012-01-03T12:53:00.001+08:00

Since I'm on an iPad writing, I'll just name it after the gadget, it being my first post writing on this tablet, something I don't particularly like doing. It's simply because typing on an old-fashioned keyboard is much better ANYTIME compared to writing in a touchscreen thingy. That being said, is my IMHO. Personal preference. Click X on the top right of the page if you don't already agree.

Well, not missing a beat and writing the 3rd post of day 3 of the year: this is a bitching post.

Anyone who knows me know that I DON'T bitch publicly on my blog unless it really irks me.What irked me?

Taking the nasty end one's bad mood, that's what.I took that end from my brother today, and trust me, it wasn't all sugar and cherries.I being me kept quiet, though being an elder sis I reprimanded him for doing so, in which he reacted in asking me to get down the car-useless me don't drive you see.

Story short, no I didn't walk though I wanted badly to- but I HATE being the victim of one's anger.So for day 3 readers, if you personally know me, and are in a bad mood, remember to either a) stay away, b) talk it out with me or c) eff off if you think I'm too nice that you can explode on.

Rant end.

-muse. #2

2012-01-03T03:12:00.000+08:00

It's my 2nd blogpost of the year; and I'm going to keep this up for the next 363 days - well I missed out on Jan 2nd because a) I don't like blogging with my iPad and b) I was having a good, fruitful day doing my studies, hanging out with my fam and friends, and then chatting with woman/Mango on Skype I forgot to write -_- but writing for the next 363 days, 1 blog post a day, would be my target.

Ahem.

So woman inspired this blog - because what she said a few days back (or was it a few weeks back? I don't remember) about me beginning to live my life and this period of time being the best time of my life made me think.

The talk started off with me being buried with work, studies, etc; and she said that I should not let this stop me from starting to live my life - and my reply to her was "my life has already started."

Why do I say this?

IMHO, life starts when you're born - and whatever you do, think, act, eat, drink - you already ARE living. So life already had begun for me for the past 22 years- though I know what she's saying in this context, right.. but yeah, life had already begun for me.

My life has already begun for me simply because I'm doing what I am doing now - and I love doing what I'm doing and I'm spending my best years TRYING (for goodness' sake!) to be good at it. I am lazy and I don't do my best when I don't like lecturers ( I am childish that way sometimes, yeah. But hey, who wants to do their best in classes which lecturers DO suck?!).. but for this semester it's a rarity so uh.. I'm trying to be my best in it. TRYING - woman would SO disagree on my "trying" because she saw me memorizing a part of my studies for my final exams... and she said she'd die before she tries. -_-

But yeah, I'm trying because hey, there are a gazillion people better than I am in this, and they're way up there. I on the other hand am still kindasorta figuring what I want to do.

Either way, life has begun for me.

What about yours? Have you thought about it?

Xo,
Yours truly.

-amazing grace.

2012-01-01T12:25:00.001+08:00

First and foremost:

BLESSED 2012 EVERYBODY!!!!

I spent the end of 2011 (which was yesterday) with a very lazy start, followed by a visit to the dentist- no, I didn't extract my wisdom tooth because the dentist said it's okay and I don't need to go through the pain (yay!!) so it was just scaling, polishing and some meds- and then it was a short nap, then I attended the last service at church for 2011; and off to dinner with LinSeay and Dom. And we spent the last hours of 2011 together at Wong Kok after dinner, and then we welcomed 2012 together and we prayed for the year together. Really - it's different when you spend the beginning of something with people who matter, and most importantly, including God in it. It's so surreal.

2011 was surreal.The Lord has really been super good to me despite the mistakes and failures I've allowed myself to go through - some really unnecessary and stupid, but God really has been good, and still is, to me. The tears, the pain, the joy, the laughter, the ups, the downs.. I look back, and I see God in it all.

So today, because I slept at 5am - spent like,3 hours with one of my younger cousins after being home from that mini-celebration with the two; I woke up at about 10ish - I woke up at 8am, and then 9am, and then all the way till 10ish,11am and I decided to stop going back to sleep.. and did my morning routines .. my devotion and all that - and went on YouTube to look for a song- the infamous "Amazing Grace"; because that's what the year's been. That's what God's been, in my life.

I'm embedding the song into this post, just so you can hear for yourself the words in this song, and just how real it can be in your life.

Have a God-blessed, God-filled, God-year in 2012 :)

-last post of 2011 :)

2011-12-29T01:02:00.001+08:00

My very eventful 2011 - not chronologically.

Meeting my precious girls in Kuching.

My mirror :)

The sister and I :)

The brother and I at a cousin's wedding.

Holding newborn baby :)

Kuching with Nata - COCO ze DOG :D

Latin American festival with my ex lecturer and her daughter <3

Clubbing after 3 years of not doing that, thanks to Mango and Adik :)

Malacca :)

Macau :)

Daddyji's bday - the happiest day, and still is, of 2011 :)

Union of my friends :)

2011'd been eventful - there were more events of which I could share of - but I'd rather not because I'm just so damn lazy.

Life's been good this 2011 despite the tough times and pain. I've enjoyed myself tremendously as well. This year is truly a year of growth (again!) and new experiences. That being said, every year has its share of new experiences, new beginnings, and new endings. I'm just happy this year's about to end.

then again, I wonder - what does 2012 have to offer? I hope it's a better year than this, graduation being on the way and of course with that being said.. the upcoming plans for my Master's Degree (shakes head).

*shrug*

Have yourselves a great year-end, loves :)

-esfuerzo.

2011-12-20T07:04:00.001+08:00

Desde el domingo hasta ahora, las pruebas de vida siempre me pegan. Primeramente sobre el amor pasado y su familia, ay-con las cosas que sucedieron, yo no quiero y no puedo hablar más sobre este asunto. Lo que puedo decir es que ahora, estoy desilusionada, y ya lo dejé .. espero que esta decisión es una decisión final. Ya me quedé con él sin alguna relación formal y también, con su familia (que es muy preciosa) por 4 años.

Sí señor, CUATRO años.

Que mucho que tomó de mi vida. No puedo dejarlo así porque él siempre vuelve a mi lado. Y eso me gusta mucho, porque me muestra que aunque las cosas cambian, yo en su vida no.

Ahora todo lo que pasó ... parece un sueño grande. Yo no puedo creer lo que hizo, pero lo dejo así. No quiero tocar más sobre este pasado en mi vida, y sigo adelante en cosas mejores en mi vida.

Espero, por mí también; que esta declaración es la final sobre él.
Le voy a echar de menos, a veces, pero cuando encuentro uno mejor que él, voy a sentirme muy satisfecha.

Hoy, tengo 2 test, en los que uno no he tocado todavía.
Pero yo creo en mi Señor, mi Ayudante, mi Salvador.
Me va a ayudar, esto lo puedo creer.
Y ahora, antes de ir a ducharme, voy a dormir un ratito. Estoy tan cansada.

;)

-Psalms 63

2011-12-20T01:05:00.000+08:00

¹ You, God, are my God,
   earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
   my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
   where there is no water.

² I have seen you in the sanctuary
   and beheld your power and your glory.
³ Because your love is better than life,
   my lips will glorify you.
⁴ I will praise you as long as I live,
   and in your name I will lift up my hands.
⁵ I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
   with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

⁶ On my bed I remember you;
   I think of you through the watches of the night.
⁷ Because you are my help,
   I sing in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ I cling to you;
   your right hand upholds me.

⁹ Those who want to kill me will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.
¹⁰ They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

¹¹ But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God will glory in him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

-happiest day.

2011-12-13T17:31:00.001+08:00

..strangely isn't my birthday (although it's filled with a lot of joy as well!). This is going to be a picture-post :)

The Three ..Stooges? :p

Father-Son duo :)

AMEN JI! <3

Happy with his gift. ;)

Sharan and I :)

Gay partners with gangster pose..gone wrong.

Cutting the bday cake!

Experiencing the Punjabi culture of celebrating one's bday :)

Love you, daddyji :)

I still can't stop mulling over this event simply because of just how happy and contented I felt. Just laughing along with them, and enjoying the fellowship - it's been awhile since I had such a fun-filled night.

Thank you, again - not like you're gonna read this ANYWAY, but who knows if you'd find this again in the future- you'd realize how grateful I am for this experience. :)

-celebration

2011-12-12T06:46:00.001+08:00

Since I'm up so early studying for my upcoming Russian test and if possible, squeezing in some of my Spanish Lit into my studying, I decided to write a blogpost about December 8th, 2011 - which then prolonged to Dec 9th.

081211 was a memorable day - a very special person asked me to head over to his place for a personal birthday celebration; his father's. And this very special person, with his brother (and his bro's gf) came to pick me up from the Bukit Jalil LRT after his work - the 3 of them work together, anyway.

So I went, but I asked my brother to stop at the hockey stadium and I'd walk there due to the atrocious jam; and I thought they were there waiting. I ended up walking further than I thought, being on the phone with him to find out exactly where he was- and towards the end he saw me, but I didn't; so he was talking to me all the way, commenting on the way I walk (lol -_-) till finally, I saw him. We hugged, and got into the car, and his brother took us all to their place in Equine Park.

The elder brother went shortly after to shave, while myself and him waited at his place for his dad to get ready for dinner. Then we headed together to Station One, where the birthday "surprise" was to happen but apparently daddy was so smart he got it all, so it wasn't really a surprise.

Surprisingly, there were only 6 of them (+his colleague), and I'm the 7th person. Which meant that this was supposed to be a "private" family thing, and I'm invited. I felt so touched, so privileged to be part of this celebration. There was a huge language gap going on because I was the only Chinese among the whole lot -_- but it was still fun, because I felt like a huge part of the family during the dinner. :)

That special person sent me home an hour into 9/12/11 with his brother and the gf accompanying us during the ride back.

the birthday b.. I mean man :p

him.

:) Done with my update, now I've to spend what's left of my time (like 15minutes?) to uh, study.

:p let's hope this works, since I had a fever yesterday and recuperated on the same day, praise God.

Monday, please be good.

- for the fun of christmas...

2011-12-04T16:56:00.001+08:00

watch this :)))

-tick.

2011-12-04T14:23:00.001+08:00

So during our Skype conversation which lasted for 5 hours made me lose sleep and therefore I slept at 11am after getting some chores done. Just got up because I have to discuss tutorial with my tutorial group mates - thank God for natural alarm clock, else I would've missed the discussion altogether - I have no idea how I woke up in the first place since my right eye's swollen and I really am tired..and there're more chores to do + homework/assignments which I haven't completed because I was just so darn distracted during the weekday.

But the whole-night-through chat, KL-Fft, it was just interesting how you ended the conversation with "I think I'm falling in love with you". Knowing you, I wonder if you're just being sleek, because "falling in love" with me is impossible. You and I both know it, and it shouldn't be.

I have, yet another matter to lay down at the Cross - and yet another matter as a cross of my own to bear as well. Oh boy, here goes a rough ride, again.

-grace

2011-12-02T12:29:00.001+08:00

Lord, everybody should just hear your message of grace, and stop condemning themselves.

-beautiful

2011-11-30T23:26:00.001+08:00

Insecurities flood me once in a while. Then, I look into my pictures.
note : vain post. Pls X if you're not interested :D

...some of the many pics I have which are taken by myself/ friends that think that I don't take enough pictures of myself -_-.

And they are ordinary, really. I don't make people go all gaga over me; but what I do know that I know that I know is this:

God made me in His image, and if I'm not happy with what He created, then I'm just..unhappy with Him. And being human, it happens ever so often, but then again when I think about it and marvel at His creation; the creativity He has while designing the sky and its members, the earth and its members, and humanity, in general, I'm pretty sure He has a reason why I'm designed this way.

He made me ordinary - but if ordinary is beautiful to Him, then so I am.

and if YOU think you're ordinary, people - you're STILL beautiful; simply because He said so :)

Have a great almost-weekend, guys.
Much love :)

Dear sugarmouse :)

2011-11-29T22:41:00.001+08:00

Knowing you stalk my blog, and your faithful comments keep me writing. Thank you so much <3
So this post is a reply (somewhat) to your encouragements; as well as a teeny bit of mine to you. You mean heaps to me though we've NEVER (nunca jamas OMG wth) met (yet,hopefully!).

1) Tiredness.
It got me so cranky I have no idea what gibberish I am saying to woman aka Mango aka Charissa just the other day. I'm at this moment where I feel like giving up, and only God and that remnant of faith keeps me going on - I just want to disappear into dust, sometimes. *shrug*

2) Facebook.
Momentary disappearance, or maybe permanent. I don't know. :)

3) My piece of encouragement to you:

What faith can do, is so much more than what we can comprehend. Keep believing though it seems impossible. I'm believing with you here, whatever you wish for. :)

Thank you, rockstar; for your presence in my life.
te agradezco mucho y espero que nos encontremos pronto :)

-a little vain moment..

2011-11-25T17:12:00.001+08:00

..wouldn't hurt.
So I'm posting this picture just 'cos I enjoy it :p

it was a simple photoshoot courtesy of Bobbi Brown. I look mature here, but what the heck. Teehee!

-tiresome.

2011-11-24T11:33:00.001+08:00

Life..
has been pretty tiring lately.

Superwoman as I am, I'm tired now.
*sigh*

-sigh

2011-11-20T23:20:00.001+08:00

This week'd been a roller-coaster ride. Had the usual round of mid-term tests, went on a date, had a tiring week, and then back to square one.

Hoboy, here comes a new wave.

And I have more assignments so I probably would be on a short hiatus (as usual). But those who visit, pls leave some love. Heheh, would love to see people commenting on my box other than the usual spammers -_-.

Till I can breathe again,

<3

Update :
I am called a slut by someone who doesn't know me. Or maybe does, but doesn't bother. Biggest joke of the day, and I'm not done laughing yet.

:p

tsts.

2011-11-15T21:37:00.001+08:00

It's a period of tests, tests, and MORE tests.
Oh well, so long as ~~I get my 4.0s and kick just about every good student out of UM~~ I do well I'm contented. I want to do my best, but .. well - only God knows.

I'm at this moment where I'm most comfortable in my skin - albeit hating the fact that acne seriously won't get the EFF off my face, and I could do with some extra weight loss, and some really good voice would do, or maybe a taller height..

Digressing.

Well- like I said despite it all, I'm at a point where I love myself. Yes I'm so basketful of oxymoron but hey, love, or leave.

Digressing again.

OK- to get to the point of what I was trying to say: I'm at this moment where I'm most comfortable in my skin, and at the point where I want to achieve the most out of my life, yet I'm not doing much about it. You ask me why - and the answer'd be "'cos I've too much already on my plate."

I personally think, at this moment; despite academic excellence and all that good stuff I want to achieve, I think the biggest thing I'd want to achieve right now is contentment where I am. It's that peace that settles me wherever I am, good or bad- I'm still at it, but the main thing about 'achieving' this is not to achieve it at all..
..it's to receive it.

Philippians 4:6-7
⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

really- this is just pretty much all I need to get through every single day.

Okay, I've to go back to my Russian. Test tomorrow.

*sigh*

union.

2011-11-12T00:00:00.001+08:00

I witnessed a wedding to two beautiful people.
Two beautiful lives; whose first kiss was shared just today.
Washing of feet resembling a unity in serving each other, in humility and love.
This union really brought an inspiration to me.. in terms of my pursuit for purity and also, my future marriage.

I know it must be difficult for them to remain pure till today, but the wait was super worth it.
My 11.11.11 was spent in such a beautiful manner witnessing the union of two beautiful people.

God, You're so amazing :)

singsong.

2011-11-08T00:32:00.002+08:00

I'm currently listening to We are the World - the 1980s version (or so I think, the one originally done by Michael Jackson and the many other old singers); and oh, what precious gems we had then (and still are havin'!). And I love how Quincy Jones conducted the cast of singers - the voices blend oh-so-beautifully. Michael Jackson is indeed, a genius. His death is still very much felt. Such a loss. :(

Personally, I don't like the newer version. It SPOILT everything; the beauty of the song. But that's my personal point of view, so if you don't agree, you're entitled to your own opinion :)

I'm going to sing part of this song this Saturday for a performance, a rare invitation - I haven't sung publicly in a while now - say.. a year since I last publicly performed for any event at all. And I'm at this state where I really dislike my voice for how it sounds. I'm my worst critic so.. I'm really trying not to shrink back.

This week is going to be a busy one albeit it being my holiday. I'm playing for a wedding this Friday, performing on Saturday, and heading back to uni on Sunday (I live in the hostel there).

Which reminds me - I need to slot in sometime for my books.

Hello languages, good bye holiday.

beautiful.

2011-11-07T02:48:00.004+08:00

Today, I've finally embraced the fact that I am beautiful.

It's not because people tell me so - well actually there're only THIS few people telling me that..but it's just simply because I realized that today, after watching a sermon - God made this life perfect for me.

I may not be as beautiful as the other person or as slim or as tall or as musical or as.. I don't know.
Someone else's gonna be more talented, better-looking, taller, prettier.. yeah.
Nobody's gonna get the -est suffix, other than God Himself.

But God made my life perfect for me. Therefore, that makes me perfect to be me.
I think that's really good enough as a matter of fact :)
A wonderful man, a husband, a father of three, and a strong man in the Lord told me this last Saturday:
"Daphne, you're not just a woman- you're a woman who has overcome".

That really showed me just how far God has brought me in this journey called life. I've not just lived.. I really have LIVED and still am LIVING the life. And it's flowing in abundance in every way possible, the way the Bible says it. Abundantly!

And hearing Ps Joel Osteen's sermon today about getting my heart to beat again; getting that spring on my steps again - those words are such apt ones- if we can't be excited with the mundane, how are we going to be REALLY excited when the exciting comes?

Passion comes, when we allow them to. We drive where it goes.
And really, I want a God-passionate life. :)

what about you?

reminisce.

2011-10-29T20:36:00.001+08:00

Love, where is your fire? I've been sittin' here, smokin' away; making signals and sticks, and odd ends and bits, still there's no sign of a flame.
Imposters have been passin', offerin' a good feelin' glow;

But I'm holdin' on to what you're all about, an inferno that burns to the bone.

Some urge me to be temperate, but lukewarm will never do..

Today's a day of tears and thoughts.

Tears of disappointment, of sadness - disappointed at myself for allowing me to get back to square one after so many tries. Irony is that I didn't even hope. There's no expectation, consciously, that is. Then I soften my resolves and I got back there and to see a different thing unravel, I lost it. And for once, I allowed myself a cry. A Daphne-but-longer-cry.

So I, I wanna blaze with you,

and I'm, I'm holdin' my heart out to you,

Holding my heart out..

And I realized: I'm doing the same thing to Him. Oh how I cried upon knowing the pain that He would have felt after those years of me stepping in and out - how He loved me, and how I did NOT.

So I stand, handing out torches
Speaking words that are lamps to their feet
Til' the time when you come and I'm whole and we are one and the fire in me is complete
Some tell me to be moderate but lukewarm will never do..

And just today, rethinking about all that has passed, that disappointment I felt and swallowing it all - I was really emotional. I felt so overwhelmed with all that's happening - thank God the week is going to be over pretty soon- I felt so tired with all that's going on.

But what was good, was that 3 of my dearest friends came in to support me; 4 actually :) One talked to me for a short bit, but then later, 2 of my guy friends - they came and gave their support, and showed me a lot of love - to a point where I cried LOL - and their affirmation in my life, what they see in me, and how I should live up to that of which I have been living all these while instead of shrinking back; and then Nat and I we talked on the phone. It's amazing how talks about sore muscles and all get me all lightened up.

Then a doubt comes to lie at the back of my mind
That I'll offer you me and you'll politely decline (no thank you)
So I hasten to mute it, I'll shout and rebuke it - "away! "

And dinner, with Mum finally being home from an 8-day trip to Beijing, lightens me up.

It's going to be a good night of assignmenting and studying for my exams on Tues and Thurs.

Thank God this week is going to end - I'm looking forward to a greater week ahead.

Please be great, next week.

patches :)

2011-09-19T23:40:00.001+08:00

friends, they come and go.But you, you came, and then went away, and then back again. And you tell me you can't take the emotional blackmail I am giving you. You tell me that you can't take my teasing you over leaving me and coming back again.

Hey, you know; you deserve it. :)I forgive, but that doesn't mean I'll forget.And because I've been bitten so many times, I won't be silly anymore, you see. You'd just be on arm's length - because I'm just too afraid this time.And waiting intentionally makes me remember that he's worth the wait :)

-songs that accompany me on rainy days like this..

2011-09-11T01:19:00.002+08:00

Love, where is your fire? :)

-as vecez..

2011-09-04T21:34:00.000+08:00

é muito difícil dizer-te coisas que não queres ouvir e saber.

hoje à noite, eu estou a pensar em ti. Eu estou a pensar as coisas que aconteceram entre nós.. eu sinto-me muitas saudades tuas.

Mas, a vida tem de continuar sem ti, ou contigo.

Sabes?

tonight,..

2011-09-02T02:09:00.002+08:00

...I whisper to the stars.

Whoever you are, wherever you are;

It's strange, but definitely true.

My wish tonight, is you :)

-today.

2011-08-27T15:21:00.000+08:00

Today, I did something that I rarely do.

I told you off.

And that is really a significant move - because I rarely do that for fear of offending you.

But doing that today really made me see that I'm not afraid anymore because I know now that I deserve so much better. Doing that today made me see that I'm headed well into the healing path.

And doing that today shows me, that I really am over you.

-wrong.

2011-08-27T00:51:00.000+08:00

Of all the wrong people to miss, I've missed you. For a really, really long time now - and it gets more and more difficult from here.

The head knows that it's not right, and neither are you the right one; nor have you treated me right since the beginning; but then the heart just knows that it misses you. I don't need to explain why; I don't need to say anything at all, do I?

But in any way at all, I'll stay away till it's safe.

...then again, it never was, and never is, and never will be when it's you, isn't it?

-update, after a long, long time..

2011-08-17T22:51:00.002+08:00

I've gone to Macau and back and I still haven't updated.
And then Ms Mello commented twice on the same post (the most recent one :p) and I was like - oh yeah, I haven't written in this space for a really long time.

Yeah, guilty as charged.
So, I'm back.With not as much updates though, sadly. I'm going to write in point form just 'cos I'm too lazy to write long-winded posts :p

1) Baby iPad which I named Ana came on the 2nd July and was picked off me on the 24th, in HK. It lived with me for 3 weeks.. and I still miss it. Heaps.

2) I loved Macau albeit initially hating it to ashes. It was the difficult moments, friends, and lifestyle that I loved there. I felt independent and able to do things on my own for once - not that I've not done it before but this time, it was really a proof that I can live on my own :)

3) I found a newfound confidence being in Macau- dancing, being a representative of Malaysia by wearing the costumes there for special occasions..well that's another story.

4) I've learnt too that I'm a klutz. I lose things.

-_- Oh well, more to come. More to write on, hopefully. Heheh.

xoxo :)

Hello Macau.

2011-07-13T18:03:00.000+08:00

It is 5.11pm here now. I'm not sure what time it is there. Let me check.
Ah. What a surprise. We're 6000 kilometers apart, but in the same time zone.
Weird isn't it? It's 5.11pm here, there, and back home too.

I heard that it's hot and humid there, but the weather forecast actually says that there's going to be a chance of storms over the next few days. That might be fun. Unless sunshine is better than rain? Is it?

It's been really cold here. Drops as low as 5°c in the early mornings. I would gladly share some of it with you. Maybe we could even it out a little so I don't wake up shivering. It's pretty alright in the daytime though. Especially when there's a good fire going.

What is food like there? Have you been feeding yourself well? And how about entertainment? Shopping centers, little shops? Is it scenic there? Are you surrounded by trees or high rise buildings?

I miss you LOTS and we should do some catching up when you're not so busy. The evenings are good for me. Nights too, as usual.

Lots of love, Perth.

-Kuching, the Cat City.

2011-06-30T01:17:00.000+08:00

I've been here the past 3 days and I'm truly enjoying it. Natalie aka Nata aka my dotter made it wonderful for me - headed out for food trips and shopping (well of course they aren't as awesome as KL malls but then again, it's still something new; they have things that we don't) and sightseeing, and all these are credits to Aunt Beth (her BSF - Birds of the Same Feather) who is so willing in taking me around, and her very amiable family. SO wonderful, my stay has been here; I don't want to go back at all.

Going back means having to prepare for the reality that I'm headed to Macau.
To study. Which is something I'm not looking forward to.
Going back means having to face real life, and away from vacation life.
To reality (again). Which is something I try to escape, sometimes?
Going back means having to pack, do chores, etc; which is like what I've said earlier : face life.

Isn't it good to run away once in a while?
My stay in Kuching helped me to run away; for a short bit.

First day upon arrival, I tasted the 4-layered tea here (the original 3-layer tea came from Kuching; they developed it up to SEVEN layers now!), and then I spent the night at her place resting.

Second day was busy; we went to many places : breakfast (kolo mee, laksa Sarawak, and kueh zhiap), downtown @ Waterfront, India Street, Carpenter Street, Sarawak Plaza, Tun Jugah (right infront of the Plaza), lunch at then The Spring, and then 101 food area; dunno what's the full name - we went there for dinner. Got back around 10ish, our day started about 8-9am. Didn't manage to sleep the night before, mosquito and all - new place to adapt. SO yeah, you can see how pooped both of us were then. So we slept early (early being 1am :p). And I got bitten by mosquitoes again on my FACE. -_________-" that's on the 2nd nite, mind u.

Third day (which was today - uh, kinda an hour ago) : we had a pretty laid-back beginning, we started off about 2pm, to eat the Pure Fish Noodle for lunch; then to Green Road, to surprise my girls (they suspected it already, so whatever :p), then to Boulevard because Aunty Beth had something to do. We did some shopping, bonding, and more shopping, and then we had dinner at some local hawker place which was real good, and we got back about 10 again. Now I'm here typing, because it's been awhile since I updated - being in Kuching really kicked ass; that meaning that it was a blast. Heading to the kampung area tomorrow before flying home to KL to visit Nata's sumuk (dunno if that's how it's spelt - it's grandmother in Bidayuh Bau).

Yes, and I spoke in Sarawakian Malay-English.
:p

Being able to be close to a friend's family is awesome : I hope I've been a blessing to them, the way they have to mine - but I'd say, the latter is really much much more than what I could give to them.

Pictures soon, the connection @ her place isn't exactly fast, so uploading pictures would affect the connection. Worst case scenario : computer crash. Lol.

So much love to y'all from Kuching, and I'll update more, soon.
Speaking of updates : I DON'T WANT TO TAKE MAYA THE DINOSAUR TO MACAU but my wonderful iPad 2 is still freakin stuck @ Shenzhen!!! :'(

Let's cross our fingers together and hope that I'll get my iPad by Friday, ok?

Much love,
Daphne :)

-lookback

2011-06-26T02:28:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, it's just too hard to even perceive what's going on with the things that are happening in your life simply because it's happening at that moment.

One more week to Macau, and I hope spending the month away from Malaysia would really light me up - and lighten me up also, again. I just can't wait to be over this :)

2011-06-25T03:03:00.000+08:00

it's amazing how..

the thing you think you know the most would be the most foreign thing ever in your life.

-pride, like a boss.

2011-06-24T18:56:00.001+08:00

Pride of self is a bad thing, but being proud of yourself is yet, another story.
Same difference?

I beg to differ :p

I reformatted (more like upgraded) my computer from a Windows XP to Windows 7 by myself.. like a boss. And then figured out some usual software issues by myself, like a boss, again.

AND then figured out MORE problems - i.e., the stupid DVD player just wouldn't play DVDs, and only CDs (damn the fact that I couldn't play my Amaral Concert DVD when I bought that pack from Spain!!); and that, I didn't do it like a boss.. but I called Dell (since I'm on ProWarranty), like a boss.

Watched the technician do the configuration and try doing it myself and succeeded, like a boss.
She told me to reinstall Win7 which didn't work (bad recommendation), and then when I called the company and another technician told me I've to downgrade it, I did it again myself like a boss..

Did configurations, updates, everything that spells DIY troubleshooting+reconfiguring+repairing.. like a boss.

..and that stupid DVD thing just doesn't want to play ANY of my DVDs like an idiot, so I called Dell again like a boss..

and found out that it could be my player that's faulty, not my configuring nor is it any other issue, I know I deal with my gadgets well,.. you guessed it.

disclaimer: I write out of fun and I feel good knowing how to do this myself now, so either you enjoy what I write and feel good WITH me FOR me, or you can just .. yeah, there's this huge X button on the top right area of the page. (; kthxbye!

-newborn.

2011-06-21T09:32:00.000+08:00

You know how it feels when you carry a baby (emphasis: a NEWBORN) in your arms? I carried my 3-day (now it would be the 5th day) old baby nephew.

Presenting to you my cousin's 2nd prince, Ivan Wong:

He is so tiny; carrying him felt so magical.

That little baby gave me, in a way, a very brilliant .. epiphany, I suppose - that, being the fact that life should be lived, daily; and this reminds me of a verse that just shows the brilliance of God when He said this:

Matthew 6:28-34:

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Now this just shows me that God knows what He's doing.

I've been so worried about so many things, my trip to Macau, the upcoming semester, the days that I won't be able to enjoy my long rest, my relationship with certain people, my.. well just about everything around me at the moment, now. Then going to Skudai to attend my cousin's wedding was .. boring and uneventful initially, then I managed to catch up with some relatives and met some new ones (yeah I didn't know my extended family's so.. extended. Makes sense?); and the next day before heading back home, I visited my cousin who just gave birth to this little newborn :)

I didn't think of it that way then, but writing this post, like I said; an epiphany hit me in that form. It's wonderful to know that God uses nature to remind us of things.

And today, I am reminded to live today as a day on its own :)
Hello, Tuesday!

2011-06-20T19:41:00.002+08:00

a wise person told me (that wise person being Ms Debbie Chow), that I should swim because I want to; not because a certain someone pushed me overboard.

I'm enjoying the swim but hating it at the same time. Should I stop swimming, and get to the shore, like now?

- Daddy dearest :)

2011-06-19T21:14:00.001+08:00

Your rough hands show me the toil over the years,

For the family, whom in your heart, is held dear;

Your wrinkled face shows me the suffering you've been through,

Yet tightly you held on, for your love's proven true.

The giver you are, no words can describe,

You gave, and still are giving, to not deprive;

Though it took hours, days and nights off your life,

You never complained, despite the strife.

I knew my rebellion then was so cruel,

The arguments, raised voices, and daily duels;

Yet through these times, like a rock, you stood still,

Knowing well that one day, grow up; I will.

Depression once sucked the life out of me,

You were my fortress, you were like a tree;

Daily encouraging me to stand up and be strong,

"It's okay", you said; "because life goes on".

How we used to talk in the morning, I'll never forget,

The lessons, laughter and love, my safety net;

As I dive head-on to this roller-coaster called life,

I remember how you taught me to win it all, and not just survive.

What I thought was failure, you saw as opportunity,

You explained it all and you helped me see;

The bigger picture in everything I do,

I'm more assured now, all thanks to you.

Daddy dearest, you may not be the best,

But it's because of you, I count myself blessed;

God gave me a gift, irreplaceable by anyone,

In the form of you, Daddy, there's only one.

I cried reading this to Mummy,

Knowing you, you'd probably call me "silly"';

But to end this note, I just had to say,

To the best father I have;

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! :)

-Daphne Lee

19/6/2011.

2011-06-15T23:18:00.002+08:00

...'cos hypocrites like you, aren't worth thinkin' about.

-memories of Spain.

2011-06-14T01:57:00.000+08:00

At 1.29 a.m., I received a text from Spain. My Spanish mother - saying that she'd give anything to see me right now.

It broke my heart so much reading that text. Trust me, mama; I miss you too.

The family and us, minus Wei Hern :)

I love, and miss you both.

The typical food we have almost everyday.

Trust me, mama; my heart aches when I think of Spain.

I miss you guys heaps.

I pray, one day we'll meet again. Really, really soon.

not-so-Indian girl

2011-06-10T15:28:00.000+08:00

Hi. Stealing some space :)

Your blogger doesn't want to post up this pretty photo of herself in a saree, but I thought that you guys, all her loyal readers deserved to see such a lovely sight.

So here it is!

What did I say about it being pretty? :)

Hugs and kisses, Mango.

-brick

2011-06-09T23:44:00.000+08:00

I am a transparent person, generally.

But in the recent months (or more like, years), I've learnt the art of silence. Yeah, a noisy person like me to be silent is quite a difficult thing; hence the verb learn would be appropriate. I've learnt to be quieter about things, milder in my outspokenness, and I filter my thoughts a fair bit, especially lately.

I guess sometimes, as you grow you learn to discern what to say and what not to. And filtering your thoughts and words could bring you good at times; but that takes a lot of learning and discernment - some of those things that grow as you learn through experience. Sometimes, building a wall is really necessary when it comes to certain people in your life, and sometimes being transparent is. It all is up to how you perceive things (or people) around you and how you react to it.

I'm emotional, reactive, and sensitive. Besides being extravagantly extrovert in nature (I talk a lot, I love people, I like social atmospheres), I love my space. People don't give me the energy I need - and the place I draw my energy is actually, in solitude. Just resting, doing things I like in my own time, taking my time to just sleep - THAT is energy-giving for me. So I eventually discovered myself to be an introverted extrovert, which kinda means I have the best of both worlds- in a way.

So being talkative (the extroverted side of me), I sometimes talk too much and then eventually I need my space (the introverted side of me), and that makes me withdraw from people. It used to confuse me 'cos I thought I'm bipolar or somethin' - till I understood who I am. I guess as you grow older and you delve deeper, you learn to seek more about yourself, and then you find.

Hence now, I learn to deal with who I am - when I feel somethin', I'm pretty honest about it, or I don't talk about it at all. Sometimes talking about it makes me look like I'm insensitive, stubborn, strong-willed, and forceful; and it puts me in a dilemma on how to react to people.

Well, lately I guess, I've just discovered another facet of myself- the brick side of me. I could just put on the emotionless, wordless, thoughtless façade right, and be distant. Like you-on-earth-I'm-in-Pluto distant. I realized it's one of my introverted self, again.

I'm being so reactive to things so I guess this transition is good.
SO if you talk to me and I seem distant, please understand. :)

Till my next update :)

2011-06-05T15:01:00.001+08:00

'cos I just want to leave, breathe, and smile again.

here's a goodbye to you.

-when you believe.

2011-06-05T04:46:00.001+08:00

grateful attitude = gratitude.

So a status caught my eye on Facebook; talking about beliefs and the opened heart to receive the faith (or not); whichever it is. The status,word-for-word, goes like this:

Not that I have anything against God, or anyone who believes in Him/Her. I just don't believe some being who has never communicated with me. Maybe you're luckier than I am and you found that connection. I don't tell you not to believe, so please stop telling me to believe. I lost faith it Him/Her a long long time ago. But that's another story for another day. For now, just stop. Thank you :D

And that got me thinking quite a bit.

You see, regardless of faith, the best (and most successful) way of living out a life to someone for your faith and to show them that it applies to you really is, and will be your testimony. The way you live. People can see from the way you live; and if it's contagious enough, people WILL want to know what's the cause of your living like that, and WILL want to know who/what you believe in. Isn't that a better way of evangelising that to tell people "YO, YOU REALLY GOTTA BELIEVE IN MY GOD or GO TO HELL".

or "hey, I have this great God right, maybe you wanna try and talk to Him?"
or "yeah, you're going through issues. Talk to God."

Sometimes, don't you think that forcing your ideas of your personal beliefs on someone isn't that good? Oh, or the idea of God just seems foreign to certain people?

I am a Christian; I made that fact known. I am proud of what I believe in, who I believe in, my personal experiences as a Christian satisfies me and I'm looking for more - but not many people feel the same. I understand that I need to give others their space despite my love for my faith - people just don't think the way I do, sometimes. And to earn (as well as to show) respect, the space is needed. That space for them to make defining questions, go in search for the answers, or find people to unpack the idea of God for them.. is necessary.

Even the Bible exhorts EVERYBODY to test out everything. Exact sentence goes like this:

Test everything. Hold on to the good.

- 1 Thessalonians 5:21 (NIV).

See, the idea of religiosity just doesn't apply to everybody. It doesn't, even to me. Jesus abhorred religious people - instead He went to deal with the prostitutes and tax-collectors personally. I don't know about other religions, I can only relate to mine since I'm a Christian - and no evangelistic ideas, I'm just writing my 2 pence here. But we're exhorted to test "EVERYTHING". And everything means, well; everything, including beliefs.

And if you don't live loud enough but you talk loud, where's the God in your faith then? How would you satisfy people's curiosity of your faith (if there's any) then? Would you just blindly believe, or will you really go in search for the truth?

Live loud, live brave, live mighty.
When people see it, you've earned the right to talk.
THEN, you talk. :)

See, a very very wise man said this, and I'll end my post today with this:

Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.

-St Francis of Assisi.

Have yourselves a blessed Sunday, and may you all live loud enough that people might see your life through the way you live and be touched by it!

-elle.oh.vee.ee.

2011-06-04T11:35:00.000+08:00

I bought a sari, finally!

It's made of silk; half-white, with red as its blouse and pallu -which is the part that they drape over the shoulder with; and embroidered with gold threads.
Looks beautiful, but it's so freakin' hot wearing it.
Might need to do some alterations on the blouse and probably stitch up the saree so I won't need to take long to wear it.

Pictures later, when I master the technique of wearing the 6-meter-long cloth.
No, seriously.

PATIENCE, WOMAN! - that's to Mango; who ALWAYS wants some documenting of some kind. :p

Life's mundane nowadays - and I'm actually headed off to do some shopping later for a certain somebody's surprise birthday party. I'm really reluctant to go, because I don't really enjoy big company. I like personal outings with people. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate people.

I just like my space.

Well, I'll write more soon; at the moment I'm writing just for updating's sake - haven't really sat down and thought through much lately. Being busy has its perks - you don't think as much as you do when you have free time in your hands (well that's if you're a thinker - I am!).

I've gotta go and get myself ready now, it's 11.35a.m, and my day's just begun!

-hawmahcahds.

2011-06-02T16:40:00.000+08:00

Rob Thomas is <3

This is his 2005 song acoustic style.
And I am SO in love with his voice; sexy and original.
I downloaded the acoustic version of the song and it's recorded differently - with LATIN GUITARS and percussions, sorta -and it's soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (yes, emphasis) SEXY!

Gosh, I am SO drowned in eargasmic music. gah.

-daypost.

2011-06-01T11:38:00.000+08:00

It's 11.35a.m, mother's out to the hospital for her check-up, and I didn't go for once 'cos the soulmate's still asleep in my room.

Somehow, I chanced upon a page talking about friends that God gives, and how as I surrender my life to Him, He places (or takes out) friends that are for me to spur me on, counsel, scold (haha!), teach, guide.. yeah - to run this race of life that I'm in.

I wonder what His ideas are regarding my friends.

On another random note, I need to go for a jog, soon.

-soulmateship.

2011-05-30T21:09:00.000+08:00

our must-take picture on my bed with the red-light district effect.

her OMG WOMAN I LOVE UR CAMERA picture.

trademark mirror photo by now.

her showing off nails, as usual.

then pretending to be this huge lala woman.

then doing MY nails, like in 2008.

then the final product.

How I spent my Monday with a sudden visit from her.
More pictures which she'd upload though, because it's just her thing to do. Haha.
:))

euphoria ♥

-father. #60.

-laughter. #59

-gratitude, #58

-Inspirational Pictures; #57

-#56. Happiness.

-reliability. #55.

#54, I trust in You.

Psalm 51[a]

-life, #53.

#52 - catch up.

-be stable. #51

-bruise.#50

-#46-#49: recount.

-tears.#45

#44-overdue

-weakness.#43

-mess. #42

Isaiah 40:29-31

Psalm 91

Psalm 91

-God's ideas, #41

-#40. Disappointment.

-#39. Heart.

-#38: strength.

-#37. Update.

-normal typing, #36.

-#35; date.

-thoughts;#34

-#33 since when did ...?

-#32. Steady My Heart

-#31. Story :)

-#30.

-How He loves :) #29

-#28, sound.

-justice.#27

-#26, a day late.

-a little touch, #25.

Private & Confidential ;) #24

-#23, I will survive.

-playing... #22

-day #21.

-guess who? #20

-last day,2nd chance #19

-hijacked! #18

-angry!#17

-hijacked! #16

-footprints, #15.

-#200; #14.

-sometimes it lasts in love.,#13

-laze, #`12

-lapse. #11

-I simply live, #10

-declaration, #9

-I'm into you #8

-awesome weekend #7

-elle.oh.vee.ee.#6.5

-all the right moves. #6.

-thoughts, #4&5

-iPad,#3

-muse. #2

-amazing grace.

-last post of 2011 :)

-esfuerzo.

-Psalms 63

-happiest day.

-celebration

- for the fun of christmas...

-tick.

-grace

-beautiful

Dear sugarmouse :)

-a little vain moment..

-tiresome.

-*sigh*

tsts.

union.

singsong.

beautiful.

reminisce.

Psalm 51^[a]

-sigh